10 Reasons You Should NOT Read Terry Pratchett's Discworld Series
Today, I’m going to validate your opinion that you shouldn’t read Terry Pratchett’s Discworld series by giving ten reasons not to. Prepare to have your convictions and opinions reinforced by me. All of these reasons are entirely logical and well-thought-out. You literally cannot argue with them, it’s impossible, so don’t try. Grab some popcorn, sit back, and prepare to read ten objective opinions.
There’s Like, a Lot of Them
There’s like, a lot of Discworld. Forty-one, actually. Forty-one Discworld novels. That’s crazy. Who has time for that? You could read one novel every week for a year and you’d only have eleven weeks left for taking breaks to do things like play Fortnite. The notion that you could actually read forty-one books in a series is insane. It’s never happening, so why should you even bother? That’s so much reading, and you’re a busy person.
Death is Personified
If nothing else is going to convince you not to read the Discworld novels, this should. Death—yeah, that’s right, the thing that means you don’t get to be alive anymore—is personified in Discworld. Death has a whole personality and he talks in all caps (which is rude). The fact that Terry Pratchett would think it’s funny or clever or make Death relatable is disgusting. How anyone could get enjoyment out of this is beyond me. To make matters worse, there are entire books where Death is actually the main character. Whole books! Crazy.
Some of the Books are Written for Young Adults
Hold your breath for this one, guys. Some of the Discworld novels aren’t adult novels. That’s right. I know, I know. I hope you were sitting down. Sorry, I should have warned you. Many of the books that are set in Discworld are written for a young adult audience, not an adult audience. Did Terry Pratchett not realize that you’re an adult and that you read adult books? Why, then, would he bother writing books for young adults? The fact that there are young adult books at all in this collection is simply absurd and is a valid reason to read any of the other books in the Discworld series.
There are Footnotes
What is this, a research paper? Terry Pratchett’s books are filled with footnotes. This means that, while you’re reading the book, you may occasionally have to move your eyes to the bottom of the page to read a note there. That is entirely too much to ask of a reader. We aren’t teachers, we aren’t grading a paper, we’re readers trying to enjoy a book! I don’t want to have to do work while I’m reading, let alone risk being distracted by words that are separate from the other words I’m reading. The inclusion of footnotes was a huge mistake. Who approved that?
No One Knows the Right Order
When you ask people what book you should start with in Discworld, no one can tell you. That’s crazy. Why can’t we just start with book number one? Oh, that’s right, there isn’t one. There are several first books because Discworld is a series within a series. But what’s that? Some people will tell you that you shouldn’t even start with the first book of a series within the series? That’s utterly insane? How are you supposed to even get started? Why are there so many conflicting suggestions? Your best bet is to just never begin the series at all; this way, you won’t start with the incorrect book.
His Books are Popular
If you read any of the Discworld novels, then you’re reading a book that a lot of other people have read. You could instead be reading a book that very few or no people have read, which is absolutely a better use of your time. Everyone likes Terry Pratchett—liking Terry Pratchett is cool and popular. You don’t want to be cool and popular, you want to be niche and unique. If you read the Discworld series, then you’ll be like everyone else. We can’t have that.
It’s Easy to Read
Terry Pratchett’s prose is incredibly easy to read. It’s very accessible and to the point. Contrary to popular belief, this is a bad thing. Prose should be a challenge to consume. Good prose means that the reader suffers through every eighty-seven-word sentence. It means that each word is an obstacle that should be overcome. If you aren’t spending thirty minutes struggling through each page of a book, then you aren’t reading a book that’s worth your time. Because of how easy Terry Pratchett’s prose is to consume, the books are a huge waste of time.
He’s a Knight and He Forged His Own Sword
Honestly, this is just pretentious. Can you imagine being so haughty that you not only get knighted for your contributions to literature, but you also go and forge your own sword? Seriously? The man must have been terribly full of himself. Who does something like that? Any one of us who’s a decent person would say “Oh, no thank you,” to the offer of being knighted and would certainly never forge our own swords. If you’re reading Terry Pratchett’s Discworld novels, you’re supporting a knight who thinks he’s also a blacksmith, and that’s unacceptable.
He’s Not Jane Austen
Listen, I'm not sure if you knew this, but Terry Pratchett isn’t Jane Austen. They aren’t the same person. Some people even theorize that they weren’t alive during the same time period, but I’ve yet to find a reliable source on this. Because they are not the same person, their books are not the same books. This means that if you are reading a Discworld novel, you are not reading a Jane Austen novel. If you want to read a Jane Austen novel, you should instead read something like Mansfield Park rather than Pratchett’s Soul Music, as if you are reading Soul Music, you are not reading a Jane Austen novel. Am I driving this point home enough? They aren’t the same person. Jane Austen is not equal to Terry Pratchett.
There, was that enough?
He Makes Philosophy Accessible
Despite not being Jane Austen, some of Pratchett's books address philosophical concepts. There are musings among the characters that may incidentally lead to readers considering certain topics. Many people do not wish to be faced with the potential for philosophical thought or discussion, so this is a perfectly fair warning. Books that may contain possible philosophical thoughts are: all of them. Thus, you should simply avoid all of the Discworld novels, it’s the only way to be safe from Terry Pratchett’s ideas and thoughts.
Conclusion
Thank you for taking the time to check out this post, I hope that it has persuaded you not to read any of the Discworld novels by Terry Pratchett. These books are filled with wit, charm, musings, and rich characters, none of which belong in any books whatsoever. To make matters worse, Terry Pratchett is not Jane Austen (I can’t drive that point home enough). If you want to read Jane Austen, you shouldn’t read Discworld novels. All-in-all, these are books that you should just stay away from in general.
Okay, I’ve got to ruin the joke now by making it abundantly clear that this is an April Fool’s Joke. I love Discworld. I have all of the collector’s library edition books and I don’t know how many times I’ve read them. This post was pure satire—I needed to think of the most ridiculous possible post I could write and this was it: telling someone not to read Discworld. In all seriousness, you should absolutely go read Discworld. And while you’re doing things I tell you to do, you should also subscribe to my YouTube channel and follow me on social media; I’m @TLBainter on most platforms, and I’ll have links for everything at the bottom of this post.
Until next time, bye!